“Good morning… at present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.
If you are one of our children, press 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of arrival so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2.
If you want to borrow the car, press 3.
If you want us to wash your clothes and do your ironing, press 4.
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.
If you want us to pick up the children from school, press 6.
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or have it delivered to your home, press 7.
If you want to come and eat here, press 8.
If you need money, press 9.
If you are going to invite us to dinner or take us to a restaurant, start talking… we are listening!!!”